Dating in an Online World

I've been separated/divorced for a year and a half now. I figured it was about time to get out there and meet some people. Unfortunately, I had a few things NOT going for me.

1) New to the area - only moved here after my separation.
2) I work from home - don't get out a lot
3) I don't go to bars a lot, because I am a single parent, I HATE ciagarette smoke, and unfortunately smoking in bars hasn't been banned here yet. Besides, meeting a guy at a bar never quite works out the way you think it will... case in point my failed marriage!  ;)
4) I don't go to church either. I'm spiritual, and I can be spiritual anytime and anyplace. I don't think I need to be bored to death by lectures that I am really tuning out just to prove how devoted I am. I try, I have good intentions, and then I think about all the other things I could be doing with my time. Besides, I'm not that religious, so meeting a guy at church doesn't seem all that appealing anyway.

So, all those things put together means meeting people is a rarity. Plus, I'm a little shy around new people at first. What's a girl to do then? "Try online dating," friends tell me. It seemed like a logical, easy way to meet people. 
BUT...
Yes, there is always a but when things seem too easy...

But... it's been weird... 
I tried Zoosk a few months ago, and I decided I didn't want to do the online dating thing after all I didn't even go out on one date. I guess, I just wasn't ready at the time. Then, in Dec. I thought I would try again with a different site. I signed up for Match.com and went out on one date. Then at someone else's suggestions I tried  Plenty of Fish, where I was immediately bombarded by pages upon pages of e-mails by the time I woke up the next day. At first, I thought, "cool, this will be even easier than I thought."  That was before I started reading the e-mails. A good 75% percent of the people e-mailing me have been questionable to say the least.  
<---- That is what my eyes probably looked like while reading some of these e-mails.
I was invited to be a sister-wife - you know the 2nd wife in someone's marriage.  
Um, I'm flattered I think, but really... NO FREAKING WAY! 
There was the guy who needed me to be pregnant by March, because he wanted to have a baby THIS year!  WHAAAAT?  Um, good luck with that, with someone else, really!
And then, there's my all time personal favorite e-mail:  "Hello there, tittie-city!"
Yes, that is ALL the e-mail said. And there were a slew of others that said basically the same thing, "love the red shirt, what's underneath?" 
Awww, I'm sure that was supposed to be a sweet compliment, right? Right?  Yeah, I didn't think so. Obviously, some people were meant to be alone. But, I thank them all for weeding themselves off my lists!  :D  It makes my job of finding someone who isn't going to be a complete waste of my time on a date that much easier! 

I've often wondered why some of the dating profiles I read on places like Match.com and POF.com sound really negative. Some of these people seem almost bitter. It's crazy, or so I thought, until I saw the oh so charming (NOT) e-mails that permeated my inbox. Now I understand!  

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been all bad.  I have been on some good dates, and I've met some pretty cool people. I am having a great time with the dating thing. It's definitely different than I thought it would be. It's taken some getting used to. And of course, it is helping immensely that the morons seem to weed themselves out faster online than they do in person!  Best of all, I get to write all about the crazy, weird, strange, sometimes awesome experiences.  And no, I won't name names... 

This is what my profile looks like.

My profile now starts out like this...

I have a fantastic sense of humor, however, I will not respond to e-mails like this:
"hello there tittie city" (yes, I actually received that e-mail, and a few more just like it)

If that kind of thing would get you slapped in a bar, why are you going to e-mail it to a chick? You're not impressing her, and all you're gonna have to show for it in the end is an empty lotion bottle and some sticky tissues. ;)

Now, if you're still with me, here's a little bit about me... 

SADLY, people can't read!  As I still get those e-mails daily!  lol